On the "White Person As Savior" Film...

I promise this isn't supposed to be an "Angry Black Woman" blog, but I have a confession to make.

Hello, my name is _________, and I find it hard to watch movies where minorities are portrayed as needing the assistance of a White person in order to make it out of their plight.

Now, this is not to say that I don't think that White people should help non-White people, but can I get a film that shows some inter or intra-minority assistance? And, on top of it all, it seems like the most praised of White saviors are the women. I am not hating on my less melanized sisters in the struggle, but seriously, does anyone else feel uncomfortable about this? Dangerous Minds, Freedom Writers, The Blind Side. White women get to be the God-sent, changing force in some minority person's life. She goes through hell and high water, feeling uncomfortable in an unfamiliar setting, fighting the institutionalized racism, oftentimes arguing with other White people to help out these less-fortunate colored people. In the end, it was her sacrificing the luxury of White privilege and struggling to connect with these people to make their lives better and they will always remember her fondly. The plot tends to be the same every time...

And you know what part of the movie that really burns me up? The scene where the savior must prove to other White people that what she's doing is right. Don't get me wrong, I believe that help is great and when it comes, you should accept it, but at the same time, there has to be other people out there doing something to help little children of color make it through tough situations. Thinking back in my own life, two of my most memorable teachers were Black. All of my mentors are. But at the same time, my college advisers were all White men, including the one for African-American Studies. See that? That's called reality. That's where you can get help from non-White people AND White people. Amazing what can happen outside of movies, huh?

And then, sometimes the movie industry acts like they want to make a non-White woman look good for helping out another non-White person. Let me focus on Black people for a second... Why is it that when Hollywood does want to show Black women doing something good for another person, she often takes the form of a mammy type (The Secret Lives of Bees, for example)? There's nothing more moving in a White child's life than an overweight Black woman... Wait... That doesn't sound right...

Because it isn't.

One day, I'll have enough money and free time to make my own movie. It will star a bunch of people who will confuse the hell out of the audience. It will include a non-bougie, yet well-educated and happily married Black couple who have adopted a little blond-haired, blue-eyed child, whose best friends are a Latina, whose family has been in the States since before slavery, and an Asian boy, whose parents are not doctors/engineers/lawyers/convenience store owners/auto mechanics, but run a bed & breakfast somewhere in suburbia. The main antagonist will be a racially ambiguous entity whose only real problem is that they cannot wrap their minds around the fact that these three friends do not need to be saved.

In the end, the racially ambiguous person goes to cry in a corner because everything that Hollywood taught was a lie.

Don't be that person.

On Africa, Part III: The Re-Cap...

This entry is more for a personal reminder than to convey any particular thought...

Aburi Gardens. Golden Tulip. Home Touch. Frankie's. Kokrobite. Cape Coast. 2 twins = double room. Black outs. Electricity shortages. Water shortages. Bucket showers. Have. Volta. Wli Falls. Stalkeration. Bartering. Kente Village. Adinkra Village. It's nice to be nice. Big Milly's. Oasis. White. Black. Obruni. African. Hyphen. American. Give me a good price. Drama. More drama. Laughter. More laughter. Even more laughter. HRAC. Human rights. Judicial system. Supreme Court. No security. Insecure. Automatic weaponry. Rasta. Natural. Fat American. Taken. Spoken for. Belong to someone. Canopy walk. Kakoum. Larteh. Funerals. Dancing. Music. Family. Missing. Gold. Not gold. Art Center. Noodle lady. Donut lady. Briz Bar. Epo's. Forex. Barclay's. Gutters. Car trouble. Baby girl. Meat pies. Papaye. Urban Taste. Melting Moments. Anger. World Cup. Patriotism. Presidential Palace. Seamstresses. Taxis. Twist and Locs. Osu. Dzorwulu. Abelemkpe. Uncles. Aunties. Malaria. Stomach bacteria. Palm Wine. Guinness. Gin & Lime. Rhum. Those two songs we keep hearing. Atlantic Radio. Joy FM. Peace FM. Newspapers. News. Sweating. MTN. Vodafone. DSTV. Everything from South Africa. Juice. Water. Meat. No specifics. Late. Late. Late. Waiting. Rain. Flooding. Kumasi. Great Sports Hotel. Guest house. Village house. Someone's house. Outhouse. No plumbing. Jollof. Waakye. Kelewele. Banku. Okro Soup. Palm Nut Stew. Dark meat. Goat. Lots of goats. Long flight. Trotros. Buses. Pineapple. Watermelon. Coleslaw. Salad. Head balancing. Posture. Your chair could kill you. AIDS is real. Twi. Ga. Asante. Asantehene. Empress. Beach. Horses taking a crap in front of you on the beach. Accra Mall. Silverbird Theaters. Shoprite. Liquor Stores. Bad reception. Bad attitudes. Misunderstandings. Arguments. Reconciliation. Forgiveness. Fun. Experience. Adventure. Independence. Freedom. Maturity. Accra. Ghana.

On Naturalness...

I’m sure that all women of color are familiar with the politics of natural hair. As a “natural”, the political gamesWhether we have people asking us if we enjoy Neo-Soul music or assume we are militant, hair tends to send a message no matter what we do with it. However, there is one line of questioning that always makes me uncomfortable, especially when it comes from fellow naturals:

“Girl, you have good hair! What are you mixed with?”

Now, I love my interracial brothers and sisters, but why do people assume that (a) because my natural hair is curly, it is “good”, and (b) if hair is looser (3b/3c), I must be mixed? It seems like these reactions and assumptions are a throwback to the times when fair skin and looser textures of African-American hair were enough to guarantee more male attention as well as denote a purposeful line of marriages. Growing up, I heard stories from older relatives about families who would disown their children if they married someone with darker skin. I even heard one of my grandmother’s old friends tell her granddaughter not to bring any “nappy Black babies in this house”.

Why is race always included in the discussion, and what does this mean for different textures of hair? I recall a time when I was relaxed that I was told that I have “White people’s hair” and that was why it would straighten so easily. As a natural, I have had discussions about transitioning and how it was difficult to get accustomed to my newly natural hair, to which people would reply, “But your hair is so curly, how hard could it be?” As someone who BC’ed after being used to having relaxed hair that was taken care of by other people and having to learn how to take care of my hair like every other natural, I was hurt. To my sisters in the 4’s, let me be the first to admit that I know that most media outlets of the Western world wish to either fetishize your fro or box you out completely by telling you to relax. I will never say that I have experienced what you have, but I will say that I have always held a healthy dose of fro envy, especially when my hair began to fall from its weight. Your hair does something I wish mine could do on a daily basis…but I’m off topic.

To make matters in hair politics worse anyone who has watched a music video in the last decade or so can tell you that the archetypal “light-skinned girl with long hair” has not lost any of her clout amongst most rappers. It also doesn’t help that our fairer compatriots are often the ones with the most screen time in the media or seen as more appealing (Halle Berry, Beyonce, Alicia Keys, Tyra Banks) while the browner women are either relaxed or forced to fit the “earthy, motherly” stereotype (First Lady Michelle Obama, Jill Scott, India Arie, Naomi Campbell). There is an evident lack of diversity, and this does nothing to ease the hair tension.

I know that transitioning from relaxed to natural does not mean that all of the years of hearing a specific standard of beauty being praised, we should be able to move past it. Complexion and hair type should not be the sole reasons for praising someone. Compliment me on avoiding single-strand knots or clearing up a blemish on my face, not because I happened to be born with a random assortment of genes. The lingering ideas about how hair “should” be helps fuel the fires of people who encourage naturals to relax, so why are we letting this talk get into the community where all textures and lengths should be embraced?

Personally, I embrace it all. Curly, coily, kinky, nappy, fro, blown out, twisted, locs, braided, banded, wash & go, finger coils, frizzy, fuzzy, TWA, BSL, APL, MBL, and all those other acronyms. Black, White, Latino/a, Hispanic, Asian, African, biracial, multiracial, and everything in between. Good hair is hair that is taken care of, not hair grown from a specifically raced scalp.

The real secret of good hair?

Love, and a good inner circle to back you up when you aren’t feeling the love.

On Singlehood, Part I: The Questions...

You know, I often find myself faced with a lot of repeated questions, and sometimes, I feel like Pooch from The Losers, "Oh, this is stupid question day? Okay, it must be stupid question day. It's stupid question day and nobody told me." And you want to know my absolute favorite?

Why is such a nice girl like you single?

Well "person who felt it necessary to question my personal life even though, 98% of the time, you have no business", I'll sum it up in a fun phrase for you: pre-emptive strikes of triflin-ness. Need clarification? This is your lucky day, because I have a list!

1) My own triflin-ness. There, I said it. Yes, I can take the blame for some of the reasons why I'm single. This includes my nasty habit of not making phone calls, my reluctance to "put myself out there" completely, and my pride. Yes, folks, pride is one of those deadly sins that all good Catholics are supposed to avoid, and I do make my attempts to do so, but I have my limits...

For example, if Young Man approaches me, we strike up conversation, the vibe is going nicely, and we begin to have regular communication, everything is going well. There seems to be equal interest from both parties, and then, out of nowhere, Young Man disappears off the radar. I say to myself, "Self, we are going to be mature about this and attempt to keep the lines of communication open. Maybe there's something going on in Young Man's life that he needs to deal with." Time passes, Young Man is not dead, as I could have assumed from his lack of communication with me, because I've found out from Random Mutual Friend, Young Man's Cousin, or even Facebook, that he's alive and well. Just not being responsive. Then, pridefully, I decide that I'm done because, "Eff that, I will not be the one to do multiple communication with no response." And so ends Young Man's chances...but his behavior brings me to my other point.

2) Other people's triflin-ness. Can anyone explain these situation to me:

Boy meets girl. Boy begins rapport with girl. Girl responds positively, encouraging further growth of friendship. Boy begins to send "signals" to girl. Girl sends "signals" back. Boy then tells girl all about his recent conquests, what he likes in a "partner", and how women can be raggedy, but in the same breath, compliments girl on all of her good qualities. Girl responds kindly, but wonders where this is going. Girl looks up and realizes that she has been banished to the Field of Friendship, never to be considered as anything more than "one of the guys".

Or.

Boy meets girl. Boy expresses interest in getting to know girl. Boy and girl hang out. Girl expresses enjoyment in response to "getting to know you" encounters. Boy, like Young Man, disappears off of the planet. Girl questions own sanity.

Or.

Boy sees girl. Boy expresses interest. Girl reciprocates. Boy and girl keep things casual, but see the potential in the situation, and say so to each other. Girl finds out boy is engaged two months later.

Okay gentlemen, I'm showing you my hand right now. From all of my personal experiences, experiences of my friends that they've told me, the movies I've watched, and the songs I've listened to, I find that your kind are very strange. You'll sleep with someone without knowing her last name, but in the morning she's a ho/slut/anything else you can think of, even though you initiated the encounter. You'll also find a woman that you find attractive, funny, kind, etc., but push her away for some reason. You'll tell someone that you want to be single right now, but then turn around and get married. You'll even marry someone who's willing to do most anything for you, but you'll cheat on her for some reason or another. I try my hardest not to write your kind off in general, because I have seen you operate in logical ways before, but to be honest, I'm just confused.

And tired of being questioned.

So, the next time someone asks me why I'm single, I'll respond thusly:

"Because..." and walk away.

On Interracial-ness...

Okay, I'm going to start this entry with a disclaimer: what I'm about to talk about is not something that I believe is exhaustive or in any way comprehensive, but a reflection on personal experiences over my short time of being on this planet and identifying as a Black American woman.

With that out of the way...

I have a hard time reconciling my feelings on the idea of interracial. This is influenced in a lot of ways, with the strongest influence being the nation I was raised in. America's decree of the "One Drop Rule" was introduced to me at a young age by my grandmother who was born in 1918. She told me that if a person has any bit of Black in them, they were Black. This includes people who may "pass" as white. Someone can be 1/32 Black, but there are still people in Black America who will label that person as Black. I understand why someone who is biracial or multiracial would want to avoid using this rule: it necessarily negates some part of their genetic makeup and part of their heritage. As I grew up, I have met a lot of people with mixed ancestry, and a lot of people who would be considered Black under America, and my grandmother's, definition, but would prefer to play up their "blackness" or "whiteness" when convenient.

For example, in high school, I received an award based on a standardized test that was given to people who denoted "Black" as their race when filling out the Scantron sheet. (sidenote: I also received an award from the same test when the entire pool of test-takers was considered, so we can throw out the affirmative action debate in this scenario.) My name, along with all the other Black women who received similar scores, were read of the PA system the morning that the school got the information. In my AP Government class, an "ambiguously raced" young woman said, within my earshot, "If I had put Black on the test, I would have gotten that award. It's not even that hard."

Gee...thanks? But, why would you want to label yourself for accolades only? You want to be Black when you can get a scholarship offer, but not when the affirmative action debate comes up? You want to be Black so you can ask for hair tips, but not when your White friends walk into the room? As I've been known to say: Everyone wants to be Black until the cops show up. However, Black is not a transient state...

See, it's "not even that hard" to mark "Black" when it's on a piece of paper, but to live "Black" every day isn't really a walk in the park for most people.

I don't want this to sound like a "woe-is-me" Black tirade about how being Black is always so difficult, because it's not always so difficult. Yet, by no means should anyone ever say that it is never hard. Especially when we turn to my other handicap: sex.

Uh-oh, I think I just heard some mouse clicks going to that "X" in the upper corner with that sentence. But don't run away, dearest reader, it's not going to be one of those entries either. You know the ones I'm talking about. No? You don't? Hmmm...how do I explain this?

It's not one of those "Black men ain't s***" or "Black men are all trifling" or "Black men are all dogs" posts. It's not one of those "White women are stealing all our men" or "why did he pick her" or "he's only with her because she's White" posts. It's definitely not one of those "successful Black women will never find husbands" posts. All that negativity is ugly and unhelpful. Besides, I have seen enough Black love to know that it's not the epidemic that the American media has made it out to be. I'm not downplaying the fact that successful Black women outnumber their male counterparts, but that's not the message I'm discussing today. No, reader, today I want to talk about the numbers game of interracial couples from the other side. What's going on with the representation of Black woman/White man couples?

I can only think of two movies where a Black woman/White man couple was central (Something New, Guess Who), and a handful of scenarios where it has come up (The Losers, Death at a Funeral, Storm and Wolverine in that alternate universe in X-Men, Halle Berry and her baby's daddy, well, Halle Berry and most of her movie roles (Introducing Dorothy Dandridge, Swordfish, and, lest we forget the Oscar winner, Monster's Ball), Naomi Campbell and her Russian lover who happens to still be married...). Now let's flip the script, and look at the Black man/White woman scenarios...actually, I'm not even going to type them all out, because I know that you've already surpassed the number of named occurrences above. I'm personally tired of seeing the majority of interracial relationships being represented in one way.

But, historically speaking, why am I surprised? In the older, uglier, years of the good ol' USA, White men were constantly talking about protecting the sanctity of White women while raping Black women. They felt that Black men would corrupt their women, and claimed that Black women were so sexual that engaging in sex acts with them was just satiating their ravenous nature. So for Black men, having a White woman can be seen as finally getting their hands in the cookie jar, while Black women are trying to recover from the negative images of ourselves being strewn around all across different media. Black men may have been dangerous, but Black women were little more than objects of sexual gratification. Add to this the fact that Black women were given the task to "keep the Black family together" while Black men were out fighting "the Man". We as Black women seem to be more infatuated with the idea of "Black love" than our Black brothers, even after the image of Black men choosing everything but us is repeatedly thrown in our faces.

Personally, I think love is love and is beautiful when shared between two people, regardless of color, but can we have some diversity in the presentations of interracial love. So, to all you rappers who want their Black women with big behinds, light skin, and long weaves; you casting agents who love pairing Black men with non-Black women without showing Black women the same consideration; and you White media outlets who fetishize Black women: stop. Because all you're doing is turning a word that could be one of the most inclusive into one of the most restrictive by normalizing one type of interracial relationship.

For all my interracial/multiracial people out there: when you say that you're not Black, remember that you aren't White/Asian/Hispanic/Latina either. I don't mean that bitterly, or want to insinuate that you must adhere to the one drop rule. On the contrary, I want you to wear all your cultures proudly and represent your uniqueness. I know that one culture may be the dominant one in the house, or that you may feel that you identify with one more than the other, and that's understandable; but it does not erase the other parts.

In the words of Shakespeare: "This above all, to thine own self be true".

All facets of thyself.