You know, I often find myself faced with a lot of repeated questions, and sometimes, I feel like Pooch from The Losers, "Oh, this is stupid question day? Okay, it must be stupid question day. It's stupid question day and nobody told me." And you want to know my absolute favorite?
Why is such a nice girl like you single?
Well "person who felt it necessary to question my personal life even though, 98% of the time, you have no business", I'll sum it up in a fun phrase for you: pre-emptive strikes of triflin-ness. Need clarification? This is your lucky day, because I have a list!
1) My own triflin-ness. There, I said it. Yes, I can take the blame for some of the reasons why I'm single. This includes my nasty habit of not making phone calls, my reluctance to "put myself out there" completely, and my pride. Yes, folks, pride is one of those deadly sins that all good Catholics are supposed to avoid, and I do make my attempts to do so, but I have my limits...
For example, if Young Man approaches me, we strike up conversation, the vibe is going nicely, and we begin to have regular communication, everything is going well. There seems to be equal interest from both parties, and then, out of nowhere, Young Man disappears off the radar. I say to myself, "Self, we are going to be mature about this and attempt to keep the lines of communication open. Maybe there's something going on in Young Man's life that he needs to deal with." Time passes, Young Man is not dead, as I could have assumed from his lack of communication with me, because I've found out from Random Mutual Friend, Young Man's Cousin, or even Facebook, that he's alive and well. Just not being responsive. Then, pridefully, I decide that I'm done because, "Eff that, I will not be the one to do multiple communication with no response." And so ends Young Man's chances...but his behavior brings me to my other point.
2) Other people's triflin-ness. Can anyone explain these situation to me:
Boy meets girl. Boy begins rapport with girl. Girl responds positively, encouraging further growth of friendship. Boy begins to send "signals" to girl. Girl sends "signals" back. Boy then tells girl all about his recent conquests, what he likes in a "partner", and how women can be raggedy, but in the same breath, compliments girl on all of her good qualities. Girl responds kindly, but wonders where this is going. Girl looks up and realizes that she has been banished to the Field of Friendship, never to be considered as anything more than "one of the guys".
Or.
Boy meets girl. Boy expresses interest in getting to know girl. Boy and girl hang out. Girl expresses enjoyment in response to "getting to know you" encounters. Boy, like Young Man, disappears off of the planet. Girl questions own sanity.
Or.
Boy sees girl. Boy expresses interest. Girl reciprocates. Boy and girl keep things casual, but see the potential in the situation, and say so to each other. Girl finds out boy is engaged two months later.
Okay gentlemen, I'm showing you my hand right now. From all of my personal experiences, experiences of my friends that they've told me, the movies I've watched, and the songs I've listened to, I find that your kind are very strange. You'll sleep with someone without knowing her last name, but in the morning she's a ho/slut/anything else you can think of, even though you initiated the encounter. You'll also find a woman that you find attractive, funny, kind, etc., but push her away for some reason. You'll tell someone that you want to be single right now, but then turn around and get married. You'll even marry someone who's willing to do most anything for you, but you'll cheat on her for some reason or another. I try my hardest not to write your kind off in general, because I have seen you operate in logical ways before, but to be honest, I'm just confused.
And tired of being questioned.
So, the next time someone asks me why I'm single, I'll respond thusly:
"Because..." and walk away.
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